The Dangers of Open-Ended Questions

So my kid asks me for an orange soda.

An innocent request on the surface, and yet I feel nothing but fear and trembling and a sickness unto death. What’s wrong with me? Why do I want him NOT to have an orange soda?

And then I remember.

A year ago, on the playground, I acceded to the same request. I gave Seth an orange soda. And the mother seated next to me (who would later run off with her accountant, but that’s another story) said:

“Wow, Seth. It must be A Very Special Day if your dad gave you an orange soda.”

I froze. Pinioned by the judgement of a mother superior.

“Oh, it IS a special day,” I assured her.

But deep down I knew: It was only Get-Him-To-Shut-The-Hell-Up Day. Which was pretty much every day.

Fast forward a year. My son is once again asking me for an orange soda, and that particular mother superior is nowhere around, and it would be so easy to say yes, and in the end, after great misgivings, that’s what I say: “Yes.” But some part of me wants him to FEEL the torture I have borne on behalf of him and his soft drinks.

“You know, Seth,” I say. “Not every dad would give you an orange soda.”

“Why not?” he asks.

“Because some dads think there’s too much sugar in those drinks. Some dads don’t want their kids to have anything with sugar in it. But I happen to think, the way you’ve behaved today, you DESERVE a little sugar, my young friend. So tell me. What kind of dad does that make me?”

I admit it’s a softball question. The only possible response could be some variation on the following: “A great dad.” “A cool dad.” “The best dad a child could ever have.”

Seth, after a great deal of thought, comes back with:

“A sugar dad.”

And in this moment I learn: Never ask a child an open-ended question.

These are a few of my favorite blogs

People ask me if I have a blog, and I always say: “Well … kinda.”

Probem is I’m really lazy about updating it. Something about writing all day and then having to fill up yet another blank screen at night … my gorge rises.

So, in lieu of writing something actually original, I thought I would at least give a shout-out to the blogs that I’ve been enjoying over the past few months (you know, when I should have been writing my own).

Kenneth Walsh pretty much caters to all my private obsessions: hot people, pop music, tennis. What with the eye and ear candy and his acerbic commentary, Kenneth always gives good value. Plus I play tennis with his brother, Bill Walsh, an author in his own right and a wily baseliner.

I read Linda Sharp’s blog mostly for her scabrous and hilarious write-ups on “American Idol” (another private obsession), which I turn to first thing the morning after. Linda’s had some health issues lately, so we wish her the speediest of recoveries.

Mark Athitakis is a former editor of mine who is also one of the fastest and smartest readers I know. If you’re looking for the latest writing-on-writing, this is the place to go.

"Book Maven," aka Bethanne Patrick, is a crazily connected gal who always knows the latest in publishing gossip and goings on. Never boring, always topical. I might say the same for Bethanne, who is a drinking buddy of mine.

And there we have it. Another month where I don’t have to write my own blog. Sweet!